i’d rather

Date June 3, 2008

I’m a mess today, really.  Some days are just like that I suppose, but I don’t like them very much.  I don’t like feeling crazy and all full of emotion that is ever-threatening to burst at my already tight seams.  I don’t like feeling insecure and needy or homesick.  I don’t like being frustrated by meetings in Spanish or on edge with my eight year old students.  I don’t like being discontent and temperamental and unwilling to put forth the effort to change my attitude.  I don’t like it at all.

I’d much rather be thankful for another day and happy to just be breathing in it.  Happy that I’m away and learning new things and growing spiritually and figuring out the hard things for myself.  I’d rather be embracing tears, knowing that they’re there because my love for people and home is so great.  I’d rather watch little Colombian angels paint murals and build houses with popsicle sticks and not worry about the clutter, the chaos, or the chatter. 

I’d rather hold onto the joy I have in Jesus and let that be enough. 

 

Category Posted in faith

2 Responses to “i’d rather”

  1. me said:

    June 6th, 2008 at 1:25 am

    It’s really hard to let Jesus be enough when we know that’s really all we need. Today I cried because the cell phone people let a family skip me in line and didn’t even acknowledge me… then they couldn’t help me with either of my questions.. and I cried because I bought some panties on the 3 for $7.50 rack and the lady wasn’t going to let me buy them for that little because they weren’t supposed to be on that rack until I pitched a fit… she gave in once she saw the belly. I got in the car with tear filled eyes and thought, “Really, me, really? This is so stupid. Being 7 months pregnant is no excuse for getting so mad at someone that it makes you cry.”

  2. Joyce said:

    June 6th, 2008 at 11:35 pm

    Learning to see the joy in the everyday moments has taken me 3 years and counting. But it gets easier every day. Maybe it is easier if you have been in a place of no promises of tomorrow. My favorite sound ever in the whole world was hearing Rachel sing for the first time at church after her release from Shepherd – my favorite everyday sound is making her laugh. GOD IS AN AWESOME GOD. Mercyme has a song “Bring The Rain” the lyrics could have been written for me. LUV U