teacher temper flarin’. it happens.

Date August 28, 2008

Disclaimer: I’m a good teacher. I hug my kids. I love my kids. I’m a good teacher. I really, really am.

The scene.

Two hundred Colombian kids in one small cafeteria. Eight teachers on duty plus all of the lunch ladies that I love. There are lentils for lunch. My favorite! There are two fourth graders sitting all of five feet from me.

Aforementioned boys proceed to use the BBQ sauce as free ammunition.

I leap forth from my seat like a jack-in-the-box on crack and in front of an attentive crowd say—-


I take a deep breath. So do the boys. Assuming it is their last, no doubt.

I take them outside the doors. “Follow me. Walk faster. I walk fast when I’m angry. Keep up, boys. WALK!”

We’re safely out of ear shot. Round two.

“Holy Toledo, Mother of Mackerel. I CANNOT believe you would do such a thing?! Seriously?! I mean, really, boys?! WHAT. WERE. YOU. THINKING?!”

Both boys’ heads hang. My teacher voice is up and running. My teacher face has death written all over it. My blood pressure is somewhere near, oh the stratosphere.

BBQ sauce is dripping from ears and hair and shirts and the director walks by. And the high school principal walks by. And those two boys don’t even see them. They see me and they are very, very afraid.

I regain my composure.

I walk them (in that mad teacher march) to the principal’s office.

Fast forward to after lunch reading time with my fifth graders.

“Miss Witt, you know how Grandma in A Year Down Yonder is trigger happy? Is that what you wanted to be at lunch today?”


9 Responses to “teacher temper flarin’. it happens.”

  1. Blake said:

    Annnnnnnnnnd….we’re back.


  2. Dani said:

    I’m sure this was not funny, but I laughed so loud reading this! I can just see you telling them to keep up while you take steps a little faster than normal. You are a great teacher. I’m afraid I wouldn’t have been so calm. Hang in there!

    Love you!

  3. Summer said:

    Oh…so funny!!! I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall.

  4. Nieca said:

    LOve it, Love it, Love it….. Emily — you such a “Witt!!” hahahahhahahah

  5. Lou said:

    Too funny! That would have been a trip to see.

  6. chowle said:

    At least y’all get lentils. If we were served lentils in a Mississippi school cafeteria, it wouldn’t be the BBQ sauce flying, it would be a lentil booger flying contest out of the nose. Some food flinging is of a higher plane than others.

  7. Katie said:

    I love this story!! LOL! It cracks me up that they compared you to Grandma in A Year Down Yonder! I read that book to my kids last school year, and I also read Good Old Boy by Willie Morris, which my kids loved. Right now we are reading The Watson’s Go to Birmingham.

  8. Lindsay Nash said:

    I wish I could get as mad as you. But I swear it’s because I’m not a “real” teacher. I just look at them. Get silent. Roll my eyes. Shake my head. Once I left class. I try and try again to master the you-best-be-afraid-of-me-even-if-I-don’t-speak-your-same-language look. But honestly. I suck at it. And as bad as mine as, Whit’s is even worse. (Can you imagine him losing his cool? Ha. It doesn’t happen.)
    Anyway. Got any pointers?

  9. Trava said:

    Was all that said in Spanish, English or Spanglish? It is soooo funny! Have you ever secretly wanted to have a food fight and not get in trouble? I think that would be a young-at-heart-I’m-wearing-pigtails kind of thing. Hang in there sweetpea, when they turn out right you’ll know you had a hand in it! :)!